Buddhism for Mothers: A Book Review

I took a break from reading books about Natural Childbirth, and decided to pick up a book a bit about parenting. 

OK, I stumbled upon this book randomly when I was on Amazon.com buying the Calm Birth CD to practice my Calm Birth meditation methods. 

Buddhism for Mothers: a calm approach to caring for yourself and your children by Sarah Napthali, is not just for Buddhists or those interested in Buddhism. 

I am not a Buddhist. I took a Hinduism course in college, and found it very interesting. I know I know, they are NOT the same. But, they are more similar than say Buddhism and Catholicism. I have read a bit about Buddhism too. It is an intriguing religion. 

But, I have been very stressed out lately. Part of it is pregnancy hormones making it all worse, there is absolutely no denying that. But, outside forces are also working against me. I am an Aries. OK. I am passionate and I wear that passion right up front. I cry when I am angry, and once let loose, strong emotion is very hard to pull in for me. It can take hours before I am fit for society again. 

Stress effects pregnancy. Right now, I am so stressed out, and then to make it worse, stressed that all my stress is going to make this baby born tied up in knots! 

So, I signed up for Upliv, this stress management program from Johnson and Johnson. Need to be a bit more active on that:) But, I thought this book sounded like it could maybe help as well. 

I was not wrong. 

Buddhism for Mothers is not really about how to practice Buddhism. It is more, how the practices of Buddhism can help YOU! As I was reading it, I found myself saying over and over again, "wow, that is me!" or "wow! that is my husband" or "our relationship". And thinking again and again, "huh, that totally makes sense, and it would really help me in such and such situation which crops up again and again."

There is plenty in there for the actual Buddhist as well, but for those of us just looking for a little emotional support, and maybe some tools for practicing mindfulness, or anger management, or stress management... this is a great book. 

In fact, I have asked my husband to read it. While it may be called Buddhism for Mothers and is definitely steered towards addressing moms, I think anyone who has children, or deals with children regularly (teachers, nannies, grandparents, aunts, uncles, whatever!) can benefit from it as well. 

Bottom line... pick it up. It is a highly interesting read that just might help you achieve a bit of calm in your hectic life! 

How to Say 'No'

I don't get many comments on my blogs... but a did get a couple on my blog about taking back control of my life. 

Aside from saying, no, I also signed up for Upliv. It is a medication free program from Johnson & Johnson to help reduce stress in women. You have to subscribe and it is a monthly fee, but you can cancel at any time. I kind of figured even if money is one of the things causing a ton of stress in my life, $40/month wasn't so bad if it really worked and would help reduce my stress level. 

Anyway, I just signed up, so I checked out my first session today and the article was so closely related to my blog last week about saying no, I had to post it here for other to read. 

So, even though I managed to say No to several things last week... it wasn't easy and I actually needed other people's help in doing so and still felt guilty over doing it. I was happy to read this article which really outlined the difference between saying no for your own mental health, even if it inconveniences the requester, and being a jerk about it:)

So, if you feel like you need to start saying "No" more often, but are unsure about the first steps to take, here is a nice little article that kind of lets you know it is OK to do so... and some effective ways of saying "No" without ruining a friendship or business relationship. 

Assertiveness and Interpersonal Boundaries in Stress Reduction

Taking Back Control of My Life

This post doesn't really have much to do with natural childbirth, but any Moms out there who may read this, you will probably say, "I know just how you feel." I mean, we do it all don't we moms. Whether you are a SAHM or a working Mom, it doesn't matter. Being a SAHM doesn't mean you have hours and hours at your disposal to do whatever. I am a working mom, but I know plenty of SAHM whose lives are almost as hectic as mine. I will NEVER say a bad word about a SAHM mom... if I do, it is only because I am wicked jealous that I can't stay home:)

As usual... I digress. 

Life has been completely out of my control lately. Aside from the obvious of my body going crazy because I am 30 weeks pregnant, I feel like I have been spinning out of orbit. Kind of like the bad guys in that one Superman movie, when Superman put them in the weird crystal things and spun them off into the universe. I feel like that is me. I have been catapulting through the universe with no control over my destination and unable to grab onto anything to stabilize myself. 

The contractors have been working on my basement for all of 3 days, and already we have had about 3-4 issues/surprises pop up DAILY and have had to tack on an extra 4 Grand to the project total. Yup... that's right!!! Yesterday, I lost it. Totally and completely. I broke into tears and ran out of my basement. Now, something you need to understand about me; I cry when I am sad, I cry when I watch a sad movie, I cry to certain songs, and I especially cry when I am mad or upset or have lost control of a situation. So, I wasn't sad or upset. I was pissed off. I have been, from Day 1, very clear about what I wanted with my contractor. He has decided it would work better another way (i.e. be cheaper for him without having to charge me less) and told his workers to do it his way without waiting for my approval on that. I don't think I am being difficult in wanting a construction project happening in my house to turn out to my satisfaction as opposed to my contractors. After all, I am the one who will be living there. 

But yesterday, after my little breakdown, the guy who was actually doing the work said, "You tell me what you want, and we'll work with it." He listened to what I wanted, then watched as I demonstrated and tried to get him to visualize it, then repeated it back and re-showed me. I said, "Yes. that is it." He said, "OK, no problem. I'll fix it tomorrow. In the future, tell ME what you want, not *Joe*, because I am the one doing the work." Then he hugged me and said, "I have a wife and 2 children, I understand."

After that, I was on a roll. I called my mom and told her I wasn't coming down on Saturday for my Uncle's Surprise 60th B-Day party. The man is like a saint and does so much for us, but we have paint to pick out, a sink to find, shower doors and a million other tiny things that need to be bought for this project. The workers will be here all day Saturday and we have a 1st bday party for our friends' son on Sunday which we committed ourselves to before we knew about my uncle's party. She said, "OK. I understand and I know your uncle will too." 

Then I talked to my sister, told her we wouldn't be coming down for her son & daughters combined bday party so we wouldn't be tacking Silas' bday party onto it as well. We just wouldn't do a family (and understand when I say "family" I means aunts, uncles and cousins... of which I have over 20) celebration since, God forbid the family drove up to NYC for a party. We had too much going on and I couldn't deal with the Sunday evening traffic getting back to NYC from SJ. She said, "Hey, no worries. You guys have a lot going on now. I wish we could make it to Silas' party, but we already had the plans with Jon's family."


Turns out, saying "NO" to people, is a hell of a lot easier and liberating than I thought it would be. 


I was feeling so good, this morning I even told my husband his parents, sister and niece would have to stay in the hotel 2 nights when they come down for Silas' bday party instead of just the night before the party. My folks will stay over our place the night of the party, and then they'd leave in the am and his family could then come and stay with us. Now if only I could make sure they got a train home on Tuesday instead of Wednesday... Can't win 'em all I guess. 


Anyway, if you are a mom, or a mom-to-be and are feeling the stress of family, work, life... start saying "No" to people and things. You can't do it all, and you shouldn't have to. You are important too.  And don't think that saying no so you can stay home and relax or get in some exercise isn't a valid reason. Your mental and physical health are important not only for yourself, but your family too.