Hello and welcome to my blog! This blog is as much of an experiment for me as attempting a natural childbirth is. I'll be posting reviews on books I read, experiences I have while attempting to green our lives a bit more, and sometimes, general nonsense I come up with! Please feel free to comment and share information!

I look forward to hopefully making it through this experience with my own interesting story about giving birth naturally!


Taking Back Control of My Life

This post doesn't really have much to do with natural childbirth, but any Moms out there who may read this, you will probably say, "I know just how you feel." I mean, we do it all don't we moms. Whether you are a SAHM or a working Mom, it doesn't matter. Being a SAHM doesn't mean you have hours and hours at your disposal to do whatever. I am a working mom, but I know plenty of SAHM whose lives are almost as hectic as mine. I will NEVER say a bad word about a SAHM mom... if I do, it is only because I am wicked jealous that I can't stay home:)

As usual... I digress. 

Life has been completely out of my control lately. Aside from the obvious of my body going crazy because I am 30 weeks pregnant, I feel like I have been spinning out of orbit. Kind of like the bad guys in that one Superman movie, when Superman put them in the weird crystal things and spun them off into the universe. I feel like that is me. I have been catapulting through the universe with no control over my destination and unable to grab onto anything to stabilize myself. 

The contractors have been working on my basement for all of 3 days, and already we have had about 3-4 issues/surprises pop up DAILY and have had to tack on an extra 4 Grand to the project total. Yup... that's right!!! Yesterday, I lost it. Totally and completely. I broke into tears and ran out of my basement. Now, something you need to understand about me; I cry when I am sad, I cry when I watch a sad movie, I cry to certain songs, and I especially cry when I am mad or upset or have lost control of a situation. So, I wasn't sad or upset. I was pissed off. I have been, from Day 1, very clear about what I wanted with my contractor. He has decided it would work better another way (i.e. be cheaper for him without having to charge me less) and told his workers to do it his way without waiting for my approval on that. I don't think I am being difficult in wanting a construction project happening in my house to turn out to my satisfaction as opposed to my contractors. After all, I am the one who will be living there. 

But yesterday, after my little breakdown, the guy who was actually doing the work said, "You tell me what you want, and we'll work with it." He listened to what I wanted, then watched as I demonstrated and tried to get him to visualize it, then repeated it back and re-showed me. I said, "Yes. that is it." He said, "OK, no problem. I'll fix it tomorrow. In the future, tell ME what you want, not *Joe*, because I am the one doing the work." Then he hugged me and said, "I have a wife and 2 children, I understand."

After that, I was on a roll. I called my mom and told her I wasn't coming down on Saturday for my Uncle's Surprise 60th B-Day party. The man is like a saint and does so much for us, but we have paint to pick out, a sink to find, shower doors and a million other tiny things that need to be bought for this project. The workers will be here all day Saturday and we have a 1st bday party for our friends' son on Sunday which we committed ourselves to before we knew about my uncle's party. She said, "OK. I understand and I know your uncle will too." 

Then I talked to my sister, told her we wouldn't be coming down for her son & daughters combined bday party so we wouldn't be tacking Silas' bday party onto it as well. We just wouldn't do a family (and understand when I say "family" I means aunts, uncles and cousins... of which I have over 20) celebration since, God forbid the family drove up to NYC for a party. We had too much going on and I couldn't deal with the Sunday evening traffic getting back to NYC from SJ. She said, "Hey, no worries. You guys have a lot going on now. I wish we could make it to Silas' party, but we already had the plans with Jon's family."

Turns out, saying "NO" to people, is a hell of a lot easier and liberating than I thought it would be. 

I was feeling so good, this morning I even told my husband his parents, sister and niece would have to stay in the hotel 2 nights when they come down for Silas' bday party instead of just the night before the party. My folks will stay over our place the night of the party, and then they'd leave in the am and his family could then come and stay with us. Now if only I could make sure they got a train home on Tuesday instead of Wednesday... Can't win 'em all I guess. 

Anyway, if you are a mom, or a mom-to-be and are feeling the stress of family, work, life... start saying "No" to people and things. You can't do it all, and you shouldn't have to. You are important too.  And don't think that saying no so you can stay home and relax or get in some exercise isn't a valid reason. Your mental and physical health are important not only for yourself, but your family too.


hannah said...

Thanks for the encouraging post! I have been feeling like this a lot lately too. I'm going to try saying no!

Allyson said...

It is very liberating!!! Definitely try it! Just remember to pick the right battles:)